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Unfortunately this first post is really going to suck. One would probably expect my first post to be about the beginning of my story and where I am now, especially after reading my “about me” section but I just really need to get a few things off my chest. Hopefully I won’t cause anyone to choose not to read my blog because of this unfortunate beginning but here I go…
It is currently 3:18am on a Thursday morning and I am tired out of my mind. I got home to my college apartment at 1am after going out with a friend for her birthday. I still had a little bit of reading and a 1-2 page paper to write that would be due later on in the day but for some reason I had a really strong urge to get drunk or high. I didn’t have any alcohol so I thought about figuring out if I could get high off of my bipolar medications. I looked up each one online and each answer seemed pretty sketchy. I sat and thought about it for several minutes contemplating if I really should since I didn’t know how it would affect me and even if I did like it, I still wanted to get homework done and I knew that it probably wouldn’t happen if I got high.
But for some reason I still couldn’t focus… Yes, I probably could have just snapped out it and forced myself to finish everything but I didn’t. Maybe I didn’t because bipolar disorder makes people easily distracted and hard for them to focus or maybe I was just being a normal college student who has the tendency to procrastinate. Well anyways… I figured the whole drunk/high thing was a bad idea and I decided that what I really need is an outlet so that’s where this blog came in. I guess making this blog probably took another 30-45 minutes which could have just been another form of procrastination but hopefully it will be a good positive outlet for me. Phew! I’m glad I got that all off my chest. I know this probably sounds like a bunch of dumb stuff and it even sounds dumb to me but if you’re at all like me you’re a little dumb sometimes too. Well it’s 3:35 now and I’m a night owl so I’d rather finish my homework now then get up early to do it before class so thanks for reading and I promise to write about something more interesting next time.
the bipolar club 
I’ve still been getting that feeling that I want to get high lately. It usually happens when I want to just relax and escape. I just crave that high feeling. I have only gotten high off of weed, it’s not like I’m a crazy drug addict or anything but for some reason I’ve just been getting these cravings lately and it’s weird because I’ve never really had them before and it’s not like I’ve ever really been one to smoke that much. The most consistently I’ve ever smoked before was maybe once a week for a month and that was it. This is really odd. I hope that this feeling doesn’t persist.
Most folks who are bipolar end up using drugs or alcohol or, in my case, food. It dulls the emotional pain. But, using only makes life harder in the long run. Keep looking for other, healthy ways to distract yourself. And keep watching that compulsion to use.
You can’t get high on psych meds. Messing with them will only increase your chances of having a serious episode–either manic or depressive. In fact, messing with your meds is a sure way of ending up in the hospital, so please leave them alone.
It looks like you enjoy a lot of sports and activities. That’s a good way to distract yourself in a healthy way.